A brief recap of the previous article on depression is in order. Ignoring any suspected cause for a depressed mood is where we begin. Let’s accept that you feel down, low, heavy, unambitious, sleeping too much or not enough, crappy. In other words, you feel depressed.
Here’s how to help yourself feel batter.
What you think will influence your mood. That is, the monologue, that little voice inside your head, will drive how you feel.
Let us make a distinction before we dive any further into this important topic. There is a difference between thinking and feeling but some people use those words interchangeably. Thinking is the intellectual experience, a thought. Feeling is the emotional experience you have like sadness or disappointment.
Take this simple example:
I think I just ran over my wife’s cat, and I feel sad about having done that.”
Interrogating yourself is the way to answer these three important questions that are crucial to the success of this process and to ultimately feeling better.
The first question to be answered is “What am I thinking?” What is that internal voice saying? What’s the commentary going on inside your head? Listen for themes of judgment, critical assessments, and pessimism.
From case files of the past 20-years here are some examples of anti-happiness self-talk:
“I failed” and “I am a failure”
“I am a screw up” and “I f*cked up”
“I am a piece of sh*t” and “I am worthless”
“Life is a long list of disappointments punctuated by few and fleeting moments of happiness.”
Change that voice in your head to something positive and affirming. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend if they were thinking negative thoughts.
The second piece of this tripartite approach to improving your mood is to monitor how you are feeling. Ask yourself the question “What am I feeling right now?” Work to identify the feeling accurately. Interrogate yourself and determine if you are sad, mad, unhappy, irritated, frustrated, joyful, happy or something else.
Once you identify the mood ask yourself “why”. Look inside yourself for potential causes or experiences that could be a source for your current mood. Take for example anxiety. Anxiety equates to worry and fear and is often fueled by an event in the future. Your physiological experience goes something like this. You are pacing the floor, wringing your hands and your stomach is in knots. Being mindful, you interrogate yourself about what you are thinking about and identify negative thoughts about the results of an upcoming internal affairs investigation.
So far so good. You have identified what you are feeling, anxiety, and you have identified what you are thinking about, the I/A investigation.
The third part of this process is to ask yourself “How am I breathing?” Are you taking long slow deep breaths or are they short, shallow, and marked by periods of holding your breath? Short, shallow breathing, much like a dog panting, with periods of breath holding are telltale signs of anxiety, worry, anger and a number of other negative mood states.
Tactical Breathing
Think “tactical breathing” using long slow deep breaths. Take long slow deep breaths and slow everything down. If you can control your breathing, you can control everything else. Try to breathe about 6 times per minute.
Short-shallow breaths can lead to panic attacks and hyperventilating.
Practice being mindful. Practice monitoring those three very important questions:
- What am I thinking?
- What am I feeling?
- How am I breathing?
These simple steps in combination can have a big impact on your mood. Here is the difficult part, it is not one and done. Being mindful of these three factors all day every day requires effort on your part. These techniques take practice, and they are like any skill, with repetition comes proficiency.
The next step in this process has to do with that future event, that I/A investigation. In a following article we will address how to cope with the thoughts screaming around inside your head making you anxious.
Keep in mind there is no replacement for competent treatment from a culturally competent provider and when necessary, the right medication for mood disorders.