author – Lucille Rosetti
Lucille Rosetti created TheBereaved.org as a means of sharing tools to help people through the grief process. Having lost some of the people closest to her, she understands what it’s like, and how it can be an emotional roller coaster that doesn’t always seem to make sense.
The death of a loved one is difficult whether it happens suddenly or you anticipated it. Not only do you have to manage your emotions through the grieving process, you also may find yourself in charge of tying up loose ends after your loved one’s passing. Whether you are solely responsible for taking care of tasks or you have help from friends and family members, it helps to have a roadmap. Below, the Maine Center for Resilience and Survivability explains what steps you’ll need to take.
Handling your Loved One’s Affairs
It takes a lot of work to plan a funeral and take care of practical matters immediately after your loved one’s death. But even after your loved one’s memorial or funeral services, you may still find yourself inundated with important tasks. For example, it’s important to handle your loved one’s accounts and settle outstanding debts—many of which don’t go away when someone dies.
To start this process, you will want to locate any documents that contain account information. This will help you compile a list of active accounts you need to handle. It’s important to cancel credit cards in your loved one’s name and ensure that any authorized users on these cards stop making charges. Similarly, you will need to close any financial accounts such as bank accounts or investment accounts. The process for doing this may vary from one institution to the next, but you are usually expected to provide a death certificate to verify that a death has occurred. Note that most institutions will only accept a certified certificate, not a photocopy. For that reason, you may wish to order more than one certified death certificate from the vital records office so that you can complete this task without delay.
Sorting Through Belongings
For many families, the real work begins when sorting through belongings their loved one left behind. Before you start, it’s crucial that you locate your loved one’s will so you can handle assets and possessions appropriately. Cleaning out the home without locating this document makes it easy to make mistakes, such as accidentally donating a keepsake that was promised to a relative.
Wills are often straightforward, but it’s sometimes still necessary to go through probate in order to distribute property in accordance with the law and your loved one’s wishes. For example, your loved one may have wished to transfer ownership of their home to a relative, but this can’t legally occur without going through an official title transfer process.
Legal matters aside, it can be incredibly difficult to decide what possessions to keep and what to donate or throw away. You may find it helps to start with items that are easy to get rid of, such as any trash or broken items, before moving onto things that have an emotional attachment. If you are overwhelmed with the task at hand, working with a professional organizer or junk removal service can help. Hiring an appraiser may also help if you are having trouble determining what items are worth selling rather than donating or tossing.
Coping with Your Emotions
Planning a funeral, dealing with legal end-of-life matters and sorting through your loved one’s possessions requires a great deal of emotional labor. It’s important not to rush, and to devote plenty of time to self-care. When you’re grieving, practicing self-care can be as simple as nourishing your body with healthy food.
Consider also setting up your home for maximum overall wellness. Try to keep your home cleaned and clear of any clutter, though this may prove difficult when sorting your loved one’s possessions. Make sure you let in plenty of natural light, and occasionally open the windows for fresh air.
Oftentimes, survivors will seek out new ways to honor the deceased. This comes in all manner of forms and can be very cathartic. Particularly if your loved one succumbed to a terrible disease or was killed in the line of duty. Some families purchase park benches, install plaques or even go so far as to start nonprofits to memorialize the deceased. These acts can make a big difference in feeling like your loved one is still contributing to the world.
Dealing with the loss of a loved one is an overwhelming experience on a practical and emotional level. Just keep in mind you don’t have to go through it alone. Help is available at each step of the process, from funeral planning to cleaning out your loved one’s home.