author – Colby Mills, Ph.D.
Dr. Mills is a clinical and public safety psychologist specializing in treatment of first responders and military veterans. Dr. Mills spent a decade as a police psychologist with the Fairfax County Police Department. Prior to that, he spent six years assessing and managing crisis situations as part of a mobile emergency response team. He is part of the team behind the National Wellness Survey, which examines psychological wellness in first responders.
Retirement is like any other major life transition: it takes some adjustment, even when it’s great, and it’s never exactly what you expect. Many officers thrive in retirement, but research (and probably your own experience) points to some grim warning signs as well. Life expectancy is shorter for officers than for non-officers, and police retirement is associated with a host of bad health outcomes: heart disease, metabolic syndrome, and PTSD, among others. Awareness is prevention and keeping tabs on your health is literally a life-and-death issue. But these bad outcomes are also preventable, and just as there are strategies to keep your heart healthy, research also points to some good ways to keep your mind in good shape.
Courage. Life after retirement calls for a different kind of courage than what was needed in your career. In your career, you saved lives by having the courage to run toward danger. That’s a rare quality. This is a new phase of your life, and a different kind of courage is called for. It’s the courage involved in asking for help, in opening up to someone, or in confronting your deepest fear. I think it has two components: vulnerability and facing your fears.
Vulnerability (explained beautifully by the researcher Brene Brown) is taking yourself outside your comfort zone. It’s risk, basically. Think of times you’ve bared your soul to a spouse or a close friend: feeling your heart in your throat while you’re doing it, and then the relief and joy afterward when it went well. That’s vulnerability—and just like anything else worth doing, it’s both nerve-wracking and intensely rewarding.
Facing your fears is exactly what it sounds like, but there’s an art to it. The common strategy is “get back on the horse”, but it’s often more effective to take it one step at a time. Avoidance usually builds up gradually over time, and it can become so habitual that it flies below your radar. The transition into retirement is a good time to take stock of anything you might be avoiding and how that’s impacting your life. If you do want to break an avoidance habit, you don’t have to do it alone: that’s what people like me are for (which brings us back to that vulnerability topic…).
Communication. In a word…TALK. Many of you have spent a career (maybe a lifetime) clamming up, and you come by that honestly. You may have learned that in childhood, let alone in your career: don’t talk about it. You may have been trying to shield your loved ones from the darker parts of your work. Some of you might believe deep down that starting to talk will “open the floodgates” and leave you huddled in the fetal position. But research shows us that it’s better for physical and mental health to talk. Specifically, talk about work. Try telling your wife one of the stories you’ve convinced yourself she can’t handle. It doesn’t have to be just the bad or disturbing things, either: the people who matter to you want to know more about all of your life, the good and the bad. Which leads me to…
Connection. Talking to trusted people about yourself, about how things affected you and how you’re doing, strengthens the connection between you. When they honor your stories by really listening and not passing judgment, that’s often a big relief, because we’re usually braced for that. The more personal or painful something is, the more we look into our crystal ball and decide that other people would judge us or respond badly if they knew about it. But that “crystal ball” is about as accurate as a Magic 8-Ball, and those “don’t take the risk” predictions come from the part of your mind that is focused on avoiding pain and nothing else. It would be like taking your financial advice from your grandfather who still keeps his money under the mattress: yes, he avoids risk but… It’s not just about making stronger connections with your existing people. Research suggests that one factor in healthy retirement is making new friends, especially people outside the law enforcement world. Ditto for “connecting” to new activities.
Long story short, you deserve to enjoy your retirement and whatever comes next, and that depends on being alive and in good health. I hope these ideas will help make that happen for you, and thanks for your time.